Culture of Adoption

I am taking a class on multicultural counseling, and we had to do a cultural immersion project. We got to choose the culture, so I asked if I could study the culture of adoption. Obviously, I was super excited when my professor responded that she thought that was a great idea that had not been done before. We had to read some professional literature and internet sources on our culture, and write a summary of our findings. Reading and writing gave me a new perspective on the culture of adoption, and I wanted to share it:

            I chose to study the culture of adoption. My husband and I are adopting internationally, and I would love to learn more about adoption as a whole. I have found that once we started our adoption a new culture emerged in my worldview. I am now connected with families all over the nation. The culture of adoption is special because it is not defined by ethnicity, but combines many ethnicities to make new families. Currently the number of adoptions has declined severely over the past decade (Samuel Goldwyn Films & Jutunen, 2012). Part of the Hague treaty that was enacted in 2005 involves stricter guidelines that countries must follow to be approved for adoption with the United States (Samuel Goldwyn Films & Jutunen, 2012). Many countries are not complying with the strict standards, and the United States is closing down countries that may not be entirely corrupt. The Hague treaty was put in place to protect children, but not it has created a situation where fewer children are finding homes. Guatemala has been closed for many years, and is now building super orphanages that can hold over 700 children (Samuel Goldwyn Films & Jutunen, 2012).

 Part of the problem is that a lot of the literature on adoption focuses on the difficulties such as attachment disorders, academic issues and behavior problems. These issues are a real part of adoption, but they are not the only part. Once one becomes part of the adoption community, and sees adoptive families first hand he or she can see the joyous part of adoption. Adopted children may face many more difficulties, but they also achieve many victories. To be part of the adoption culture means to celebrate these victories along with other families, and to hope to see the same joy in your own family one day. I have learned that adoption culture means being an advocate, not just for the child that you want to adopt, but for all orphans. James 1:27 calls us to be part of this culture in saying, “ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

References:

Samuel Goldwyn Films, & Jutunen, C. (2012). Stuck [DVD]. Available from www.stuckdocumentary.com

Fulfillment in the waiting...

Well we are still waiting for our psych eval results and Scott's clearance from Virginia Child Protection Services to complete our home study. Our case worker hopes that the home study will take about 2 weeks for approval, so for now we just wait. So I decided to put myself out there and find some babysitting jobs. I was debating with finding a part time job, but I didn't want to commit to a position and then have to leave in less than a year to travel to Colombia (hopefully!). Through some connections at church my name was given to a lady who needed someone to watch her 10 month old 2 days a week. Perfect! And she is going to drop him off at my house. It will be like a crash course on parenting. I am super excited about the job, and bringing in a little more money for the adoption. The Lord knew I needed some distraction during the wait and He provided. So now I get to make a little money and learn how to be a mommy (except for the sleep deprivation part). Thank you Lord for your provision!

Trust

Trust seems to be a common theme in my life right now. My church is doing a series on trust, trust comes up in prayer time, and discussions with friends. Obviously, adoption is a journey based on trust. For us the decision to adopt was easy. We knew we were being called to adopt (rather than become pregnant with) our first born. Then we had to select an agency, and Bethany was a natural fit. It is a nation-wide agency with lots of resources, but the office in Atlanta give a small agency atmosphere. Choosing Colombia was easy, staying with Colombia took some trust when they changed the age availability, but we have always felt a peace about adopting from Colombia (and we have looked at ALL our options). We are now "done" with our home study, but still waiting on last minute forms to be sent in so we can be approved. We have to be approved to really start our dossier, so for now I am learning to trust during the down time. 

During this time the only tangible thing I can do is pray, but that is hard for me because I want to pray for a specific child. I want to KNOW my baby, even if I can't be with her right now. (I say baby loosely say we may get an older child, but he or she will always be my baby.) I don't know if God is calling me to trust and wait for a child to be referred, or trust that he will provide for the medical needs of a child on the waiting list. No matter what child we get there are going to be difficult times. I thought at first that putting together the dossier would be the hardest part, but now I realize that becoming a parent is the hardest part. But also the most rewarding part. I know there are circumstances where more than one option could be 'right', and God gives us the intelligence to choose. I don't know if that is the situation here, or if God will absolutely reveal to me who our child is. So many babies on the waiting list need a home, it's hard not to choose all of them. If you have any divine wisdom for me then let's go get coffee. 

On another note I am reading the book The 7 Experiment, so I am excited to see how God will grow my life through that. I may just blog about some of those lessons from time to time.

Thank you for reading, and as always for praying. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

God Bless,

Allyson

Psychological Evaluation

Monday we went up to Roswell and had our psychological evaluation, mostly to make sure we're not crazy. It went very well, and the therapist (who adopted her two children internationally) had really great tips for integrating a child into our home. We also had to take a personality test that was 567 questions long. Super exhausting! The results should be back in two weeks. This is the last part of our home study, so then we can really start making progress on our dossier. We originally thought the eval would be part of the dossier, or we would have done it soon. Just another speed bump! The best part of the day was eating lunch at the Flying Biscuit...and I ate way too much. See how Scott has one plate, and I have three...that is not the norm.

In other adoption news...we adopted a new puppy about a week ago! Her name is Kona and she is the cutest thing ever. Coalie loves her, even though Kona likes to jump on her.

Beginning the dossier...

So we begin Phase 2 of the paperwork...the famous dossier packet. Except if you are not involved in the adoption world then it's not really famous to you. The reason that it is famous is because it is a lot of work, and the work has to be done very carefully. Once our home-study is officially approved we can really get going, but today we officially began our dossier preparation with a conference call. We love that our agency has someone to guide us through all the steps, and answer even my most detailed questions. 

We have to get our fingerprints done again, which we had a good laugh about because to do that we have to go to our local tobacco shop. Always a fun time. Especially because there is a sign that says tobacco customers always get priority over customers getting fingerprints done. My original goal to finish the dossier was six months, but I am hoping I can get it done even more quickly. The agency told us that there was a family who got it done in two weeks! But a lot of the process depends on how long the FBI takes to process your fingerprints. I am just excited that we are finally moving into this phase. Just one step closer to our child! 

It is a weird reality to know that (most likely) our child is already living somewhere in Colombia. I just pray that he or she is receiving good care, and the rest I leave in God's hands. I can't wait to actually find out who our child is, and start decorating his or her room. We have some furniture in there, but I have held off on actually decorating. Just one more thing to look forward to!

We appreciate your prayers for an expedient dossier process without any major road blocks or governmental changes in Colombia. I will try to keep everyone updated as we complete each step. (I think there is almost 30!)

Ask, Seek, Knock

We are in a series at church called Jesus Said. It is a really great series that concentrates on the words of our Savior. This week our message was given by Brad Sinclair and he talked about the Ask, Seek, Knock passage. I have always thought this passage was pretty simple, but Brad really challenged my mind set. He said that we often ask of the Lord, then we sometimes seek Him, but do we really even knock. We need to be persistent in bringing our requests to the Lord; we need to knock on His door.

I ask many things for our adoption, and we often seek out the Lord's guidance. I am not sure if I have ever truly 'knocked' though. I think I'm a little scared to knock. I'm afraid I will be persistent with what I want, but it is not what the Lord wants. So I sit back and wait for a 'sign'. I do not actively knock on the door to see what the Lord has for me. I think it has something to do with a lack of faith. I'm afraid to ask for specifics, and then trust that the Lord will make it happen. I want to control the situation (how surprising to those who know me).

So I've been challenged to knock on the door of the Lord for what we want in our adoption. I'm telling to all of you, so I have someone to hold me to it.

1. Debt-free adoption. This is kinda a big deal because adoption costs more than both of our cars combined. We have been debt-free our whole marriage, and I believe, with the Lord's help, we can continue to be debt-free. It means we will have to trust on the Lord to provide, and apply for as many grants as we can get. I'm not very good at accepting help from other people, so this will truly stretch me.

2. Our specific child. I've been very nervous to put any type of limitation on the child that we want because I feel like we have the resources to meet needs of a variety of children. We are open to medical needs, siblings or a school age child (up to 6). From there I have a hard time narrowing down any specifics. I still struggle with saying we "can't/won't" take a certain disability, age, etc. I don't want to limit what the Lord can do through us. But I feel like we need to start making decisions about what we can truly handle. We need to start knocking on the door for the specific child. Please pray wisdom for us as we make these decisions because it is heart-breaking.

I know this isn't just my typical info post, but this is a little glimpse of what goes on in my head daily as we continue this journey. I have been so encouraged by everyone who says they read our blog. It is very humbling to know that so many people are praying on our behalf. Please feel free to comment on the blog, or the Facebook link. It is super encouraging, and I love answering any questions.

If you are at all interested in information about how to begin adoption please let me know. We feel very passionately that more people could adopt if they knew how to begin.

God Bless,
Allyson

Homestudy Update

It's been a while since our last update, but we have finished our home study! Our final visit with our social worker was last week, when she came out to our house. It will take her about a month to write our home study; it's super detailed. Then we will move onto our dossier. It is even more paperwork than the home study, and lots of government forms to fill out. We hope to get it finished within six months (it takes some people a year or more). Once our dossier is finished, translated into Spanish and approved by the Colombian government we will wait for a referral.

At this point we would not be referred to a child under the age of 6, due to some changes by the Colombian government. We are looking at children on the waiting list in hopes to speed up the process some. Most of these children are on the list because they have medical needs or are part of a sibling group. We are open to both possibilities; we are spending a lot of time in prayer over what needs we could meet for a child. You can be praying that the Lord gives us wisdom about how much we can do. Once our homestudy is written we will begin fundraising. We have been saving my salary all year to help cover the costs, but that will only be a portion. We are so appreciative to anyone who has already donated to us. We will probably make a tshirt, sell some fair-trade coffee, and apply for grants to help raise some more support. All the details will be put on this blog. Since I'm not working next year my job is going to be fundraising (as well as getting my Masters). If anyone has any ideas for fundraising please let us know!

Thank you again for all your support and prayers! Please feel free to comment if you have any questions about our journey.
~Allyson